literary gluttony

At the start of every month, I convince myself I know what kind of reader I’m about to be.

I set intentions. I picture certain moods. I tell myself I’m ready for a very specific vibe—usually something immersive but manageable, emotional but not completely consuming. A book I can sink into without it dragging me somewhere too dark or too sharp.

And then I look at what’s actually on my nightstand.

What I Thought I Wanted to Read

Going into February, I thought I wanted restraint.

I was craving fantasy that leaned atmospheric rather than overwhelming—slow-burn tension, rich worldbuilding, emotional weight that unfolds gradually. I wanted yearning and intensity, sure, but wrapped in something romantic and controlled. Something that would let me feel deeply without completely hollowing me out.

In my head, I was reaching for balance.

I wanted stories that simmered.

What I’m Actually Reading Right Now

Instead, I’m reading Iron and Embers by Helen Scheuerer and We Are All Guilty Here by Karin Slaughter, which—if we’re being honest—says everything.

Iron and Embers is giving me the fantasy intensity I claimed I wanted to take slowly, except it’s doing what good romantasy always does: pulling me in harder than expected. The tension, the emotional stakes, the sense that things are only going to get messier before they get better—it’s not gentle. It’s gripping. It demands to be felt, not skimmed.

And then there’s We Are All Guilty Here, which completely ignores my desire for softness altogether.

This is a book that sits heavy in the chest. It’s sharp, uncomfortable, and morally complex in a way that lingers long after you put it down. It doesn’t offer easy answers or emotional distance—it asks you to look directly at the worst parts of people and systems and sit with them.

So much for “lighter.”

The Pattern I Can’t Ignore

Looking at these two books side by side, the pattern is obvious.

When I say I want something calmer, what I usually mean is that I want depth without chaos—but I still choose stories that challenge me emotionally. I gravitate toward books that press on something raw, whether that’s through high-stakes fantasy or brutal, unflinching crime fiction.

I might crave atmosphere and romance, but I also crave discomfort. I want stories that make me feel complicit, invested, a little unsettled.

Apparently, my reading mood doesn’t believe in half-measures.

Letting the Books Lead

At this point, I’m learning not to argue with what I’m drawn to.

Iron and Embers and We Are All Guilty Here aren’t the books I would’ve predicted I’d be reading side by side—but together, they make perfect sense. Both are intense in their own ways. Both refuse to let me stay detached. Both feel right for this moment, even if they don’t match the “gentler” mood I thought I was in.

Maybe the lesson is that the books we choose know us better than our plans do.

So now I’m curious—what did you think you wanted to read lately, and what’s actually ended up in your hands instead?